Heather's Blog

I did it again, sorry.

I did it again, sorry. I was really busy on Saturday and just wasn’t able to Blog. I was going to try on Saturday night, but I ended up working really really hard on a project until 2:30am and by that point I was so dead tired I couldn’t really type anymore. But it was worth it, because my project is finally finished and ready to debut… drum roll please!

I’ve decided to quit moping about not being able to pay for school; I’ve decided that just applying to the few scholarships I’m eligible for isn’t enough; I’ve realized that even if I get a job, I still won’t make enough money to pay for school. I need to attempt something I really didn’t want to do at first, but I believe I have turned it into something I can be proud of.

A Meg-a-Thon

At first, it was to ask for donations to help pay for my college education. I read an article about a woman who had a great job, but through bad habits found herself in $25,000 in debt. She started a website, asking strangers to send her money just to bail her out of an easily avoidable mistake. And people did it! I decided that if people out there are searching for someone to help, maybe they could help me. I have made no mistakes, I have done my best not only to educate myself but I’ve dedicated my time to educating others. I have not extorted money, I have not gone into debt, I’ve just tried to be a good, charitable person. And unfortunately, I may not get to further my education if I don’t take drastic measures. As I mentioned before, The Courtauld Institute of Art has raised their tuition prices. They are still a great school that charges as little as they can, they’re still a great deal when it comes to great education in art history. But I can’t afford it, my parents can’t, and if something good doesn’t come along I just won’t get to go. It’s as simple as that.

I’m working constantly to do everything I can to earn more money. I’m saving every cent I get, I’m applying to scholarships, I’m looking for a job. Unfortunately, I don’t get much money besides my allowance. As for the scholarships, I’m only eligible for under a dozen scholarships because not many organizations acknowledge the values of a home-schooled education. And the job; the job market in this area is over-crowded with over-qualified people. No one’s willing to take a risk on hiring a 17 year old. I’m stuck, and I need help.

I’ve never liked asking for money, I don’t want blind donations, that’s not what I’m asking for at all. I want to work for it. I want to prove that any money I receive will not be wasted. I will use it for the exact purpose I say it will be used - for my education. If I can prove to you that I will work for my education, I can prove to you how much it means to me.

That’s why, instead of just asking for donations, I’m offering whatever I can in return. I have set up a list of recommended donations that correspond with a gift hand-made by myself. It ranges from bookmarks to beautiful notecards, my original paintings to interior design. Even the smallest of donations will mean the world to me, so please, take a look. It would mean so much to me. I want so badly to go to school, I want to make this work. And I want to earn it.

On a happier note, my brother Steven is feeling slightly better. We still don’t know what’s making him sick, but thankfully we know it’s not valley fever or malaria. We’re still waiting on the test results for West Nile Virus and Mono. I really hope it’s one of those because that way he won’t have to suffer through a spinal tap, which would be the next step if he doesn’t get much better and we still can’t figure out what it is. I spent the day with him watching Star Trek and some Japanese cartoon he’s addicted to. I ended up getting too tired to stay down there, though, and I knew I had to come upstairs and take care of a few things before bed.

And now I’m beat. It’s been a long day - I have to wake up too early on Sundays in order to go to church, and I really felt it this morning after staying awake so late on Saturday. Silly me, and here I am staying up late again! At least I can sleep in tomorrow.

Off I go to get some sorely needed sleep. Good night!

Sorry I didn't blog last

Sorry I didn’t blog last night; every time I tried Blogger wouldn’t load, so I just quit trying. Didn’t feel like bothering with it.

I went to the doctor yesterday and was out and about until around 4. I had to go all the way to Bethesda Naval Hospital, which I’ve decided is much nicer than Walter Reed. Bethesda looks like this nice, 80s shopping mall. And the doctors are nicer, too.


As soon as we got back home we left again, went out to Target for a while, and then I finally got to eat my Vietnamese Funny Noodles. We went out to a nice Vietnamese restaurant and I ate way too much, but it was ssssooooo good. Mmm, fine rice noodles are so yummy. I even ate it with chopsticks! My Mom and I split two entrees; stir-fry beef and grilled pork. Yummy, yummy, yummy.

I’m not sure what I’ll eat for dinner tonight. I’m on my own for a very sad reason - my brother Steven is extremely sick and has been for a while. Mom took him to the hospital a week and a half ago to get tests done, we just got the results back, but we still don’t know what it is. It’s not malaria, not West Nile, we have no clue. He’s too weak to even climb the stairs on his own. My parents took him to the hospital around 2 and the doctors said over the phone that they’d most likely admit him because they’re afraid that if he continues to get weaker he may stop breathing. So all in all, it’s really depressing and I’m just sitting around the house waiting for news. I’ve never been around when any of my siblings have been admitted to the hospital, it was always me being stuck in a cold, white hospital room. I always wondered what they’d do all day, or what it was like. I guess now I know, but I kind of wish I weren’t the only one in the house.

Maybe I’ll order pizza. I want comfort food, dang it. I already had hot chocolate and fishie crackers while watching a show about my favorite author. I think maybe I’ll order some pizza in about an hour or so. In the meantime I’m going to do some online shopping. I got presents when I was in the hospital, maybe he’d like some.

I shouldn't be allowed to

I shouldn’t be allowed to take myself seriously past eleven o’clock at night. I pulled another “Ha ha. Pun.” tonight, and it wasn’t pretty.

Steven and I were downstairs, trying to find something to watch when we were supposed to be going to sleep. Star Trek: The Next Generation was the only thing on, so it was kind of sentimental after all those nights we spent as children where Star Trek was our ticket to one extra hour before we were forced to sleep. But, I got all serious, and started a debate about how I think it’s silly that when the Enterprise goes to a new planet all of the aliens seem to have the same sense in fashion. (This is where it gets scary and I don’t even know how I know this.) The Vulcans have this thing for Mandarin minimalism with a twist, the Romulans have a downright weird obsession with 80s shoulderpads, the Klingons are all S&M with their leather biker looks, and then the Ferengi with their flashy fabrics and stuff. Steven, trying to defend Star Trek, said that it just wasn’t true - after all, some Ferengis wear that band around their head. Trying to defend my own point of view, I said most intelligently, “Yeah, but that’s like some form of rank or something, not a… not a… head thing for fun!” At which point Steven just started laughing and said, “You mean a hat?”

Head thing for fun? What was I thinking?! :) I laughed so hard I was nearly crying, and then of course a Ferengi shows up in the episode we were watching and then I just start giggling more. I think I would have died if that “Loch up your daughters” ad had shown up.

I finished my project. Huzzah! Want to seeeee it? It’s a new version of my portfolio but with more pictures and less verbage. Paul said it’d be much handier for a job application than the other version I have up, which was created for college applications. Anyway, check it out here. It’s all finished except for one section: Advertising. I had stuff to put in there, but I can’t find the disk it’s on, so I’m just leaving it for now until I decide to care. :) Haha, that sounds bad. I don’t mean it that way, honest, it’s just after spending two straight days of making little thumbnails and then organizing pages I’ve had about enough of it. In a day or two it’ll bug me that the one section isn’t done, and then I’ll go back and fix it, and all will be well in my little world. Well, except for the fact I still don’t have a job, but that is completely and totally beside the point. I think.

Finally, Guan sent me an interesting article that I got really flustered about earlier, but right now I’m just too deliriously tired to think about it. So read it, think about it, get mad with me. Then maybe, once we’re all mad together, we can go in there and fix the crap that is known as the educational system. Wouldn’t that be grand?

Evidence that I really am

Evidence that I really am way too tired to be functioning:


I was downstairs with Steven and we were watching Changing Rooms. There was an add for “Monarch of the Glen” (Scottish soap-operaish show), and it said, “Loch up your daughters.” I slapped my knee, pointed at the TV, and said, “HA ha. Pun.” Steven burst out laughing and we nearly spilled cheetos everywhere. Of course, because I said it funny this probably won’t convey very well through the written word, but trust me. He said I sounded like I was on valium. Yeah.

I’ve spent all afternoon and evening working on a more concise version of my portfolio that’s just pictures of my work with only a sentence or two of explanation. Paul said it’d be a really good thing to include with my resume, so I got to work. I came up with a design, but I’m not entirely convinced I’m in love with it. I keep going from absolutely loving it to thinking it’s absolutely dull. It’s just so different from what I usually do - well, at least I think so. Plus, I haven’t used that color much. It’s a kinda three shades of tealish, sea green. It’s pretty, I think, but I’m not used to it. Maybe I’ll be able to tell for sure tomorrow morning. Either way, I don’t think I’m going to bother changing it just for design purposes. I’ve spent too much time on it, and it’s so complicated I doubt I could ever reconstruct it. But, if it turns out it’s not what Paul meant by that kind of portfolio, then I’ll shift it around. But not just cause I decide the color isn’t me. And by no means will it turn blue. No. No blue. I do too much blue, and I don’t even mean to. It’s just that blue is so much easier to put on the web. Reds, they can change from pink to orange depending on the monitor. Greens; too bright to pukey in an instant. Oranges, don’t even get me started. Blues are my comfort color, I just don’t have to worry about those.

Sorry, didn’t mean to get into a color rant. :)

HA ha. Pun. Loch. Lock. Yeah.

I need sleep.

This proves that the impossible

This proves that the impossible really isn’t as impossible as we all think it is: I actually fell asleep before midnight last night. I felt so exhausted as of 11:30 that I decided to just shut down the laptop, listen to the rain outside my window, and fall asleep. I actually got 11 hours of sleep last night. But, sadly enough, I don’t feel any better today. I still feel like I’m out of energy, my ribs hurt, and I’m sore all over. Either I got too much sleep, or I have whatever disease/virus that my brother has but I’m just fighting it off better.

I haven’t done much today. I tried to work through an assignment that I had to get done - a newsletter for that youth group I’m with. I got done with one side of it but there’s just nothing else to write about. So I quit and went downstairs to check on Steve. He was fine, but I ended up spending the afternoon in the basement watching ‘Basic Training’ with him. It was interesting, but not much to say about it. I didn’t learn much about basic training because I’ve known a lot of military people and even a few drill sergeants. It was all old hat to me, although I was really shocked to listen to what the recruits had to say about what they were and were not expecting. One of the women actually said she wasn’t expecting basic training to deal with “so many guns” and “violence.” Steven and I actually laughed; what else is it supposed to be? Army basic training is meant to train killing machines, not just top teach you when to wear which hat or how to salute.

Normally I wouldn’t have much to blog about today, but there’s a lot on my mind, so it’s time for another list of random thoughts.

- I am so sick of junk mail. If it weren’t for so many people who need to know my email address I’d delete my AOL account and start a new one. This morning I had 30 pieces of crap piled up in my inbox, and that’s a light day. What makes it worse is that none of it was new, happy, personal mail. Not even a bit of fan mail from the Daily Prophet. All I had to do was go through and hit “delete” over and over again.

- In the same vein, viruses are evil. Half of that junk mail is always entirely at the fault of those crappy attachments. Either “This game enjoyable. Download it.” or “I need your help.” Most of the time these are in broken English, which is normally a good sign that it’s crap, but not for me. I know tons of people overseas where English is their third or fourth language. Thankfully I haven’t gotten any viruses because I haven’t downloaded anything, but it’s still a pain in the butt.

- I took an online test today and it says I’m 84% dateable. Then why don’t I have any dates? :)

- There were 1,300,000 casualities and 90,000 deaths during the Gulf War that were caused by the Iraqis’ use of chemical weapons. They’re still using chemical weapons. How can people forget that?

- I’ve been thinking about Philip for a while now (I won’t mention his last name - most of you will know who I mean) and it’s making me sick. And it makes me realize just how many other people I’ve met like him. So, I’ve decided that I hate businessmen. I’m sick of people making promises without any intentions to keep them. I’m tired of people telling me how wonderful I am and then doing nothing for it. I’m tired of being promised the sun, moon, and stars when really all they want from me is the opposite. You don’t have to get my hopes up just so I’ll pay attention to you. You don’t have to do anything but tell the truth to make me trust you. And by all means, don’t make promises just to make me do what you want. Like Philip. He made all sorts of promises in Cambridge, online after the trip, and even making these promises in public, in front of the press. Then what happens? He got my hopes up just so I would trust him, get on his side, and then do his dirtywork. I busted my butt to make the last few months of his company’s life a living hell for their investors, CEOs, and lawyers, trying to get back what was promised, and then he did nothing that he said he would. He didn’t back me up, he didn’t help me like he said he would; he left me stranded. It’s happened so many times since and I’m losing my optimism when it comes to adults in general. I haven’t met many that weren’t devious creeps; bottom-feeders only looking out for their own interests and stepping on everyone along the way. I’m sick of being the one that’s stepped on, but I refuse to step on anyone else. Maybe that’s why I’m stuck.

- I’m craving Vietnamese funny noodles and I have no idea why.

Okay, that didn’t go as well as I had hoped it would.

My parents might be buying a car that I can actually drive, thank goodness. Our new mechanic has another client that’s trying to sell an old Jaguar. It’ll be real cheap, under $3,000 I think they said. It’s the perfect size for me to learn to drive in, now I just hope they get it.

I think I’m going to go rent a movie now.

I was watching Singin' In

I was watching Singin’ In The Rain this evening because of a sudden attack of the Flu, and since I’ve seen that movie a billion times I kind of just drifted off into thought. I decided that since last night I posted the “What I Need” list I’m going to publish the “What I Want” list tonight, just in case someone’s feeling really generous. :) Nah, I really just want to say it.

- My travel show. It might qualify as a “need” since it fulfills one, but I really want it. It suits so many needs and wants at the same time: I want to travel, I need to make money, I want to learn about other cultures, and I want to educate kids in a new way besides just using the internet. It’s perfect, now if only I could convince a production company of that… :)

- Someone to play with. I have lots of wonderful friends, all of whom I’m so grateful for. But there’s one slight problem; they’re scattered around the planet! No one around to go play the Tiffany’s Game with me, or go out to a movie, or out to dinner, or just to sit around and laugh with each other. I can do that through email with my friends, occasionally in person when time and money allows for travelling, but that’s not often enough. So I want a playing buddy.

- That house in France. It’s whimsical, it’d be grand fun to decorate, and it seems like such a peaceful retreat. Big enough to have friends come stay for a while, but we wouldn’t be cramped and get on each other’s nerves. I’d have trees to climb, branches to sit on while I read a book; I’d have gardens to dance in; I’d have land to roam on. It’d be perfect. I don’t really need that right now, but if this is my want list, I’m telling the truth. I want it, and I’d prefer to have it now, but I’ll wait.

- I want to do something. Like PotterWar, something important, fun, and exhilarating

- I want a new digestive tract. I’ve been losing and gaining 15 pounds about every other month and I’m getting really tired of it. It hurts really bad, and while I do know when it’s going to happen I can’t do anything to control it. I’ve been trying really hard to eat healthy, but even if I dine on nothing but salads I always gain or lose that same amount of weight. Stupid ulcerative colitis.

I think that’s it for right now. If I could get those things it’d be perfect. I won’t say ‘If I get those things I’ll be happy,” cause I could be happy without them, but they certainly wouldn’t hurt. :)

I’m actually going to go to sleep now, even though this is early for me. I never really woke up this morning after so little sleep. Good night!

I had to download a

I had to download a ridiculous program this afternoon so I had lots of time to do absolutely nothing. I got to thinking about my dream house in France again so I went to visit it (online, of course.) I’m afraid I’ve betrayed it, though… I went wandering on the site and found another house that I think I like more. But dang it all, it’s already been sold! And to make matters worse, it was cheaper than my other dream house, had a butt-load more space, a TON of beautifully huge outbuildings. Guess what the real kicker was, though. Formal gardens. Ponds that are elegantly lit at night. And… and… it’s so gorgeous on the inside. ::sniffle:: Now if only I had $816,688 and a time machine, then I could go back a few months and buy it before those other dorks could get their grubby little hands on it. They stole my house! :)

Anyway, take a look and oogle with me. Check out the landing on the second page, I think that’s my favorite. I love railings like that with open ceilings and floors, and that big huge chandolier coming down the center.

Haha, I should make myself a shirt that says “Architecture Geek” on it.

Since I was really bored and couldn’t have spent the whole afternoon drooling over mansions in France, I decided to take some pictures of my new lipstick to document for posterity how I conquered such a significant problem. :) I’ve uploaded one, so here you go. Dramatic, isn’t it? I like it, I just wish lipstick weren’t so bothersome. I hate wearing it because I’m always afraid it’s on my teeth, or I’m going to smudge it somewhere. Same thing with make-up in general, it limits what a girl can do. Like hugging, I’m always afraid to give someone a good and proper hug when I have make-up, for fear I’ll smudge some on their shoulder or something. I hate that, which is why I don’t wear make-up often.

Hey! I should go take a picture of this really cool bruise on my ankle. I haven’t had a bruise that dramatic in ages. I should document that too… or not. Can you tell just how bored I really am? I’m talking about taking pictures of bruises for goodness sake! I need to find something to do. Bah.

Random thought: You know, Phish rules. You should get phish, it’s yummy. I stole my brother’s copy of Billy Breathes a few weeks ago and I’ve only just now had a chance to listen to it. I’m new to the whole Phish thing, I only own one of their albums (“Farmhouse” - good stuff!) but I love it just the same. (And if you’re thoroughly confused, for shame! Just kidding - Phish was a band. Go look them up on Amazon.)

I wonder when that lovely house sold? I wish it were closer to Paris, or preferably closer to Lille, that way it’d be within driving distance of Brussels, Paris, and London (via the Chunnel, of course. [That’s a great word.])

I’m off to find something to do now.

Whoops, nearly forgot my assignment

Whoops, nearly forgot my assignment for the night! Paul said that I should post a list of the things I absolutely need (not want) in order to get to school, because he says “you never know what will happen.” So, here goes:

1) $30,000.

2) A job preferably in the Washington, DC area, but if you can manage to find me a job in London that’d be fine too I suppose. Or if there’s a job somewhere that will pay me to move there and then house me for free, but I doubt there really is such a thing.

3) A safe, clean place to live in London once I get there for school.

I think that’s it, but I might remember something when I’m a little bit more awake. :)

Tired. Sore. Bruised. Happy. Daiquiri.

Tired. Sore. Bruised. Happy. Daiquiri. Yummy.

I’m not sure how long this post will be. I’m really wiped out, but I’ve had a great day.

I felt really sick this morning so I let myself sleep in until noon. I tried waking up at the semi-respectable hour of 9, but it just wasn’t going to happen. I was way too dizzy and icky, so I fell back asleep. When I tried to get out of bed at noon my eyes wouldn’t take it, so I just laid down and watched a Fred Astaire movie on my laptop and answered a few emails. They’re still hideously piled up, though. 41 in one week, it’s just not nice. :)

I solved my lipstick dilemma! Around 4:30 my Dad and I went out to Target and I went searching for a slightly more expensive brand of lipstick in the hope that it wouldn’t smear off on everything and refuse reapplication. (Note to girls: never buy Cover Girl lipstick. Ickies.) But you know what’s disgusting? Even the more expensive brands there weren’t sealed! I was looking at Revlon - $9.00 lipstick, gag me with a spoon! - and found a color I rather liked, but realized it was open and smudged all over the place. Someone had used it then put it back! That’s foul!! The mouth is a really germ-filled area and lots of diseases and viruses can be transmitted through shared lipstick. And it’s open! Strangers use it! Who knows what’s lurking on that stick of Lip Finity, or Liquid Diamonds. Eeeeugh.

Thankfully Sonia Kashuk was there to solve my problems. Not her personally, of course, but her wonderful line of cosmetics (if ‘wonderful’ and ‘cosmetics’ can even be used in the same statement…) AND they were having a sale on all-in-one compacts. It’s this cute little silver case with concealer, powder, blush, three eyeshadows, three lipsticks, and two applicator brushes. It’s stylish, functional, and all around fantabulous for only $15. And, even more importantly, it’s good make-up. The lipstick stayed on pretty much all night, and the eye shadows didn’t crease too badly. All’s well that ends well, right?

The performance went really well. I spent a lot of the time talking to Paul again, which was loads of fun. It’s nice to actually sit down and have a real conversation about a breadth of topics with an adult. It’s great in emails, fun in IMs, but it’s just not the same as a real, in-person conversation. There’s so much more to it. After the performance a lot of us went out to a restaurant/bar for a little cast party so I tagged along with Paul and his wife. I spent the evening sipping on a delightful virgin strawberry daiquiri, eating delicious cornbread, and talking to Paul about school, jobs, religion, lawyers, PotterWar, and dating. It was a great evening. I was there until 12:30 when my Dad had to drag me away from the table. Now I just wish I could have gotten into their next production - “A Christmas Carol” - but it’s quite likely that I’ll have conflicting appointments in October and I’d miss too many rehearsals. I’ll miss the company and the conversations in the mean time.

But, unfortunately, I now know I should have worn better shoes. When I peeled off my “non-commital goth wannabe” boots I found a dark red, blue, and black bruise on my ankle. It’s awful looking and it hurts like heck. I didn’t even really feel it while wearing the shoes, but I did feel the vinyl bending in whenever I moved my foot. It didn’t hurt at the time, but I’m paying for it now. Podiatric Judas, why has thou forsaken me?!

Sorry. It’s late. I’m tired. :)

Ergh, it's late. I crashed

Ergh, it’s late. I crashed after getting home from a marathon day and spent about two hours just sitting in a chair and watching TV. I hadn’t planned on watching TV so late, but Travel Sick was on, and I just had to watch. It was hilarious and gross! (If you aren’t familiar with the show, this British guy goes to a new location and has five days to perform five challenges. If he fails he has to do something really icky.) This time he went to Cambodia. His first challenge was to eat a spider since that’s apparently a delicacy there. That was so disgusting, but he suffered through it. Then, my personal favorite, he had to beat Miss Cambodia at a shootout. Miss Cambodia shows up at a rifle range is this gigantic pink ball gown, her hair all done up, and a humongous tiara on her head. Then she grabs the rifle and after just a few practice shots they go at it. They each have ten shots and whoever hits the target most wins. I was hoping Miss Cambodia would kick him to the curb, but unfortunately due to only one shot she lost. It would have been so funny to see a cute little woman in a pink dress beat some British guy.

His other tests were just as awful. He had to “Find something to do for the weekend”, and he had heard that Cambodian barber shops had brothels in the back. He thought he was going to enjoy this challenge. He got a shave, then was led into the back room where he met a nice little Cambodian woman. He said, “Should I take my shirt off?” She nodded her head, he laid down on a mat, and then she started doing that awful burning glass cup thing on his back!! It was disgusting! I’ve seen people get cupped before, but I’ve never seen what it actually does to the skin. That poor man was laying there in hideous pain and didn’t know the word in Cambodian for her to stop, and yet he was still determined to win the challenge. It was so awful to watch, and when she was done and he got up, his back was covered in this disgusting black circular bruises. It was so far and beyond grotesque. Eeeeugh.

Then he had to go on a buffalo race, which he lost cause he was given slow buffalos. He also had to convince tourists visiting Angot Wat that it was originally built by the British. He actually passed that one! It was hilarious. But, because he failed the buffalo challenge he had to drink some horrible “medicinal” drink that was full of all manner of stomach-churning things. He couldn’t take it, and I don’t blame him.

Whoa, didn’t mean to go on that tangent. Oh well.

I spent the morning setting up the wedding reception. Mostly I just arranged flowers - I had 14 bouquets to arrange and it killed my feet. There was no way for me to sit down and do them all at the same time. They turned out rather well, though, and everyone was really pleased with them. I took lots of pictures and hopefully I’ll be able to put some up here tomorrow.

After that I went out to get a chimichanga at Don Pablos. After all that work in the morning I said in passing to my Mom that I deserved a chimi, so off we went. Mmmm… yummies. :-D

Also, I got to deliver that gift basket to my friend Kelsey. As of 2:30 this afternoon she still couldn’t feel a thing because thankfully her Mom followed my instructions to have the doctors put an extra shot of novocaine in Kelsey’s foot after the operation to delay the nerves from trying to commit hari-kari. Kelsey really loved the basket, and so did her younger sisters. The youngest of the three sisters, Kirsten, is only 19 months old. As soon as Kelsey pulled out the two white bags of cookies, Kirsten meandered her way toward Kelsey and while we were talking, quietly snagged the bag of chocolate chip cookies, and then very nearly made it out of the room before her Mom grabbed her. It was hilarious, and she kept trying it again and again.

But once Kelsey unwrapped the fleece blanket they were all enthralled with that. Kirsten stole that too, grabbed a pillow, and promptly laid down on the floor, wrapping herself up in it. It was so cute. Kelsey really liked the book, too, and was really pleased with the whole thing. It’s the first foot operation anyone in their family has ever had, so they said it was great to have advice about what to do. And cookies make so many things feel better, so you just can’t go wrong. :)

As soon as I got home I had to hop in the shower because I was literally covered in pollen from all the shower arranging. Those stupid yellow lilies dumped macaroni-and-cheese-colored pollen all over my shirt, shoulders, and who knows where else. It felt so grimey and icky. I got myself cleaned up, threw on some “valley girl” make up, and just barely had enough time to eat dinner before heading out the door again.

Unfortunately I don’t think I quite captured Cliche Valley Girl, but I’m okay with that. I’ve dubbed the look, “Noncommital Goth Wannabe.” For those valley girls who want to fit in at Hot Topic, but aren’t willing to get pierced. :) I figured since in the play I was in I was supposed to be at a Battle of the Bands that the NGW look would work best. I had gray and purple eye-shadow, black mascara (which I very rarely do. My eyes are big enough as it is, I don’t need to accentuate them or I think I look creepy), very little blush, and then bright plumish/redish/pinkish lipstick. Black turtleneck, blue jeans, and platform faux combat boots. Everything was great, except I seriously need new lipstick. The cheap stuff comes off so quickly, and then I couldn’t get it to reapply. Dang it all! Stupid cosmetics! :)

I think the performance itself went well. I think I was loud enough and everything, and no one really missed any lines that I was aware of. The audience laughed, people enjoyed it, and that’s what it’s all about. Sadly I had to leave right after my performance for a while to double check on the wedding reception that was in progress at that very same moment, but I was able to sneak back about twenty minutes later and catch the rest of the show. Very fun, and I get to do it all again tomorrow night! I think I’ll miss it after that. It’s been fun.

Before the performance though, Paul was teasing me that I didn’t mention meeting him yesterday in my blog. (I met Paul last night when he started making fun of my shoes, but I got him back with a no-toe joke. I ended up laughing so hard my director turned around and hit me on the shoulder [We were supposed to be paying attention to Terry’s speech at the time, not laughing about no-toes]. It was great!) Anyway, there you go, Mr. Gernhardt, I’ve mentioned you. :) I’d think of something more creative to say, but I’m really really tired now. I didn’t get to sleep until nearly 5am last night (or rather, yesterday morning), and then had to wake up at 8:30. So little sleep really sucks. I think I’ll try to sleep in tomorrow, which should be easy. :)

It's been a good day.

It’s been a good day. :) But, the only down side to that is now I’m really way too excited to sleep.

I got an email from Join Me HQ today with my first real assignment. I’ve been enlisted in the Karma Army, and my mission - one Random Act of Kindness per week. I’m all set for this week, but it’s not really random since I’ve been planning it for a while. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned this or not, so I’ll tell the foundation of the story in a nutshell - a friend of mine is having surgery on her toe tomorrow morning, and we all know the harrowing events involving my own left toe. Thankfully hers won’t be as dramatic, but I’m sure it will still hurt like heck. She has a bone spur on the bottom of her toe and she has to have it removed cause, well, bone spurs hurt. I’ve been preparing a gift basket for her, filled with things to help with the pain. She and I both love a certain book series, and the latest book just came out. It’s only in hardback, and yet I still got it for her! Thankfully I got a huge discount, since I’m poor, but still. I’m thrilled about that, she’ll love it. I also made her a cute fleece blanket, since after foot surgery I got cold a lot, but couldn’t use bulky blankets for fear of hitting my foot. Fleece is perfect cause it’s warm and soft, but not bulky at all.


And today, I made cookies for her. Not entirely healthy, true, but yummy nonetheless. I’m going to take it over to her tomorrow around 2 in the afternoon. I think she’ll like it, and I know she’s not expecting anything cause I’m the only person she’s told so far.

So that’s my Act of Kindness for the week for the Karma Army. I’m gladly doing my part. :)

Rehearsal went really well tonight. I went early after the lecture all of us got last night from Terry, our nice Producer/In-Charge-Lady, all about how we only had one techie and they needed more people to move stuff around. I showed up at 6:30 and hauled stuff outside, set up lighting equipment, plugged stuff in, cut duct tape, that sort of thing. It was fun, and then rehearsal was entertaining tonight. Great fun all in all, and I think I’m ready for tomorrow night’s performance.

At 10:00 I had to run out and help set up for that reception I’ve been planning. All together, my shoulders hurt really bad now. :) Tomorrow I actually have to get up early to go arrange the flowers, but I’m actually pretty excited about that, despite having to wake up so early. I can’t wait to see the centerpieces all together. The gladiolas are opening up and they’re going to be so gorgeous. I’ll have to take a digital camera so I can take pictures before people get there and the flowers get all crumpled.

I really should try to get some sleep…

I'm in the mood to

I’m in the mood to do something arty. I’ve had this wild idea floating around my head for a few days that I want to get some face paints, paint some weird things on myself, then take some more self-portraits. Originally I thought of the idea as a cool addition to the JoinMe store that I’ve been working on, but now it’s branching out to other things. I could paint cool Elvish designs around my eyes in greens and browns, take my picture, then play with it digitally to create an awesome advertisement for the new Middle Earth section of the Daily Prophet. I really think I want to do it, so tomorrow I think I might head over to Michael’s and see if they have face paints relatively cheap. At DickBlick.com I can get a big tube of white face paint and then a nice little palette of primary colors for around $6.00. If I can find something like that at Michael’s then I can save myself the cost of shipping. If not, then oh well.

I also think it’d make an interesting addition to my portfolio - the combination of body and digital art. That, and I’d really like to see what I look like with swirling blue eyelids. :) Originally my idea was to completely wash out my face, neck, and shoulders with white paint, and then paint red white and blue stripes starting in the corners of my eyelids, and then swirling out from there, but apparently I can’t use red paint around my eyes. Or maybe that was just with that brand. Then, to top it all off, deep red lips. The color combination is so it’ll go along with the flag theme prominant in most of the products I have for sale. And I think it’d look really cool. :)

But I’m not sure what I’d do with my hair. I have a spikey hair clip thing that might work, but my curls haven’t been behaving too well lately. I’d dye it except that that never works. I’ve actually tried it before, but I’ve got so much hair on my head that it just won’t cover it. I’ve never done anything wild, mind. I’ve tried a few shades of natural red, black once (just to see what it looked like - it ended up making me look even paler), and I think that’s it. Not blue or anything like that. But what would I do if I didn’t have anything to worry about and would just willy-nilly dye my hair… not sure. Red? Blue? I don’t know. For the middle earth thing I’d probably just dye it a deeper brown. But that’s not an option, so I’ll quit talking about that.

You know something else? I think I’m going to go take voice lessons. There’s an operatic singer who used to go to church with my family when we lived here in Virginia before, and I’m thinking of asking her if she’d be willing to teach me a few things. I tested myself last night and even with the flu I did pretty well. Went from Duke Ellington to Puccini without any problems, so I’ve figured out I’m an alto all the way to a high soprano. Not too shabby, I’d say, but I need to smooth out the edges. I want my soprano voice to be a bit softer.

Anyway. What did I do today. I spent the afternoon in pain because my flu’s getting worse, and then had to go to rehearsal tonight for the little play I’m in. It was so hard standing up there and actually having to project. My stomach all the way to my lungs hurt so badly, it felt almost as if I would faint for a minute up there. Got all light-headed and stuff while I was in a freeze in the background. Those lights are awful! Well, I’m okay now. I came home, crashed on the couch, got all geeky and actually watched the season premiere of Enterprise. You know, for all the stupid stuff in Star Trek I’ve always wanted to have a walk-on role somewhere. I’d be just some alien so I’d have to wear lots of make-up so no one would recognize me, and preferably I’d get killed somewhere near the beginning of the episode so I’m the big nameless plot-point. It’d be great fun, I think. Sadly it seems there’s only one alien race on ‘Enterprise’ that has buttloads of make-up on, but they just look so icky. (Don’t ask me to spell the species’ name, I can’t even pronounce it right. I always think of Bon-Bons when I hear it - Sulabon or something.) Anyway, I wouldn’t want to look like a giant walking scab.

That got way off topic. Sorry.

So yeah, I’m feeling a bit better, I think. At least I don’t feel like I’ll faint. After my trip into Geeky Land, I killed time for a while until 10 when there was a great Fred Astaire movie on. I’m really into recording movies and putting them on CDs now. I got “Top Hat”, and right now I’m recording one I haven’t seen, “Roberta.” Musicals like that are great for when I feel sick. I don’t really have to pay attention to the story, I can just lay there and go, “Wow, that was pretty…” It’s old-fashioned eye candy.

I still think that got way off topic, but since I can’t remember what the topic was - or if I even had a topic to begin with - I think I’ll just move on and forget about it. I think I’m going to run downstairs and get something to eat, in fact, so here ends tonight’s blog.

Argh, late again already... the

Argh, late again already… the day kind of flew by.

I bought the flowers for the wedding reception I’m pulling together for this Friday night. It’s going to be SO gorgeous and I’ve only spent $27 out of my $60 budget so far. :) The local grocery store had a killer deal on gladiolas, which I was rather keen on getting since they’ll provide great height to the arrangements, making it seem bigger and more expensive. They were only $2.50 for ten stems and were in the perfect shade of yellow! Hurrah! They also had fantastic yellow lilies, which were only $4.00 for a bunch (four stems, I think, but they’re full of blossoms.) I went ahead and bought them now because all of the blossoms are still closed and should be open by Friday. I also ordered some little mini white lilies for fodder, to soften the whole thing. Then I need to go buy some kind of plant to cut up for the greenery, then I’ll be all set! The arrangements will have four layers to them - gladiolas will be sticking straight up, providing height. Also, there will be copper wire sticking straight up amongst the gladiolas as a little hint of the unexpected. Then, around mid-gladiola-height will be the yellow lilies. At the mid-to-base level of those lilies will be the little white ones. Finally, to top it all off, I want to get really ferny-fuzzy greenery to drape down the side of the vase along with some finer-gauge copper wire. That way the arrangement has full body, encompasses the whole vase, and makes it all look so much more expensive.

(I’ll take pictures - I’m sure my description didn’t make much sense.)

Guess what I got this afternoon? I was flipping the channels at 4:00 and saw that TCM was playing one of my favorite movies, “Holiday”! But I hadn’t been able to find it on DVD. Instantly I started recording it on the computer, and now I have my own copy of it! Woohoo! I love that movie. Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn - you just can’t beat that.

And finally, I entered a screenplay contest today. Sujit sent me an email this morning about some film festival sponsoring one, so I printed out my screenplay and mailed it in. It’s only a prize of $400, but it’s worth it just to get someone to read it. And still, it’s $400! So, wish me luck.

But now I’m off to bed, I’m really sleepy. Good night!

I'm hungry. Just thought you

I’m hungry. Just thought you should know.

I haven’t felt like blogging until now, I was too mad. My moods are fluctuating far too much for my liking because of the recent tumultuous events and I’m afraid I got really aggravated with my laptop. It’s been a long-time coming since the stupid thing is dying, even though it’s only a year old, I’ve taken really good care of it, and it cost well over $1,000. I’m really mad at it, and I’ve vowed never ever ever to buy another Heweltt Packard. They are evil, they are horrible, and their service department is of the devil. Never ever buy from them again, hear me? Good.

So my laptop’s dying and I feel like I flushed $1,000 down the toilet. This was supposed to be my computer for school, and now it’s a piece of crap. HP said they’d look at it for $300 - not fix it, mind, just look at it - nevermind the fact that’s a ridiculous number, but even if they’d fix it for that I just don’t have the cash to shell out. It completely sucks because I’m feeling cheated on that too, but that’s an entirely other matter. That’s not adding to my whole problem with everything else, it’s just another frustration and another thing to add to the ever-growing Pile o’ Crap.

I was trying to install an ethernet card on my laptop so I can hook up to the new DSL service we just got today. DSL is working happily in my brother’s room, but noooooOoooo, my laptop won’t recognize the network so I’m stuck on stupid 56k. Apart from that, despite my seemingly triumphant reinstallation of windows, it’s still freezing constantly. I haven’t even done anything to it? I’ve fed it, I’ve loved it, I’ve done everything I can for it, but it keeps killing itself. Stupid computers.

Basically I’ve spent the night silently cursing my laptop while playing Solitaire and trying to draw a cartoony version of myself. I wasn’t really in the mood to blog, but I thought since I was bored I might as well try and draw myself. I’ve had this idea of wanting to start an occasional comic strip for those days when I don’t feel like writing my thoughts, but rather expressing them in a silly comic strip. I figured it’d be a nice way to break up the monotony of paragraphs a little. I came up with one design, but I think it’s too complicated. And I’m not cute and teeny enough, as in cartoony cute. Like Calvin and Hobbes cute, how all their bodies are really short and can easily fit in one cartoon frame. About fifteen minutes ago an idea hit me, but it hasn’t come along far enough to post online. It’s cute so far, though, although not really an accurate depiction of me. Ah well, can’t have everything. :)

Monday was my brother Steven’s 20th birthday. Unfortunately I don’t think it was a very happy day for him - he had to go to the hospital to be tested for mono and/or malaria. Scary, isn’t it? Two teenagers that live right in this area have come down with malaria just from being bitten by a mosquito, and Steve happens to have all of the right symptoms for it as well. I felt rather bad for him. At least he got to have his party last week, so he had a little bit of fun.

But knowing he’s 20 makes me feel old. I still remember when we used to lay on the carpet in the family room of our weird house in Mississippi, and compare how old we would be in the year 2000 and beyond. We would get so excited about it, and dream about what we’d be doing. It’s weird to finally be at that age.

While my Mom was taking Steve to the hospital I wasn’t feeling so great myself, so I vegged for a while. Crocodile Dundee II was on Comedy Central, and I’m still not really sure why I watched it. There was nothing else on, but I did rent ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’, I just kind of forgot about it. Oh well, it was nice to look back on the 80s/early90s and laugh. And I’m starting to appreciate more why Paul Hogan was such a big thing back then. :)

Oh my, that’s embarrassing to admit… See what insomnia does to me?!

I was doing some spelunking through my blog’s archives the other day, looking for something, when I realized that I had accidentally put the site counter on the archive pages. I was a little disappointing, thinking the 160 hits per day that I’ve been getting lately was only because of the number of pages the counter was on. I removed it, wanting to find out just how many people were really visiting the site, not just repeat visits to the archives. Happily enough, it didn’t lower the number by much. In fact, it’s still keeping with the pattern of Mondays being a bit slower than the rest of the week. It hit 145 by midnight. Exciting, eh? I think that’s just mind-blowing. Who the heck’s reading this thing anyway?!

Here I go again with that whole curiosity thing about who reads my blog…

I think I’d better try to get some sleep before I start thinking about those 145 people too much. I hope I can sleep, I don’t feel tired at all. I think I need to go get tested, I really feel like crap and it’s just gone on way too long. I’m so tired of being sick, dang it! If I have malaria I think I’m just going to sit here and scream for a while, that’d just be the putrid icing on the already moldy cake.

Happy thoughts… happy thoughts… Gotta think happy thoughts or I’ll have Kafka dreams again. No more thoughts of malaria, no more thoughts about stupid computers…

Good night!

I think I might have

I think I might have alienated and/or scared a few people with that blog last night. Tough nookies. I’m tired of being ashamed of my rants, so I’m not apologizing for them. That’s me, that’s what I wanted to say, and I’m leaving it.

Despite this nagging defeatist attitude, my Dreamer side came out to play a little this afternoon. It hit me yesterday that an email simply wasn’t enough to try and convince those production companies that they should produce my travel show. I’ve been working on it like mad, trying to get it ready to go. About blog-time yesterday the project came to a screeching halt. Then, I was talking with Erick and I thought to myself that if I’m going to get rejected, I’m going to get rejected in style. They’re going to have to put up with multiple packets arriving at their door, and if they keep refusing to respond, then so be it. At least then I can really complain about that project not working, right?

I stayed up until 5:30am last night cause the flu got to me again, just talking to Erick and working on the bottom half of the Walkabout logo. I finally finished it around 2 this afternoon - click here. That bottom triangle was a major pain, you wouldn’t believe the monuments I tried to draw and they just would not cooperate. I tried the Empire State Building, that looked like a pencil. I tried the NYC Guggenheim, and that just looked silly. This morning I attempted to draw the Sydney Opera House. I have no clue how to describe how that turned out, but it looked nothing like what I intended. So I settled for a backdrop of the Dolomite Alps, Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, the Taj Mahal, and the pyramids at Giza. I think that’s a pretty good assortment considering how limited I was on space.

Once the logo was completed I edited the original letter I sent to the N and added that to cool stationary I made. I also printed out a picture I took in Venice, and another from London, and made a little mock-up of what the logo would look like with the city label next to it. It’s all cute and stuff. Finally, a quick picture of me, and then I stuck it all in an envelope. I also created packets to send to Screaming Flea Production, inc. in Seattle, and Banyan Productions in Philadelphia. I’m familiar with their work, so it’s a handy way to try to ease my way into a company.

What now… hmm… not sure. My stomach kind of hurts - pizza was a bad idea for dinner, but it was so easy. I should probably answer emails, but that’s never a good idea when I’m not in the happiest of moods. I think for now I’ll just sit here in my room and watch something on my laptop. I really love having my huge collection of Daria episodes on VCDs. I couldn’t sleep last night even after that marathon conversation with Erick that kept us both up waaaay too late, so I laid in bed and watched two episodes. It was fantastic, exactly what I needed. Maybe I’ll try that again.

I was talking to a

I was talking to a friend just now about school, she was telling me about wanting to go to a school in New York, and how much she wanted it. It made me think of Courtauld, so I went to their website, not thinking anything would have changed. I’ve been thinking about it ever since Guan posted his final UCAS choices on his blog. But, on the other hand, I’ve been trying not to think about it.

I went. I found bad news. Courtauld has raised their tuition price by over £1,000. How will I ever even begin to pay for that? Every time I think of school anywhere I get this all-encompassing sinking feeling; my stomach drops, I get a lump in my throat, and it feels almost as if I have a headache. I’m afraid of the money involved, and I’m afraid of the time.

I should be excited about school; why am I crying about it? I’m afraid I’ll never raise enough money for it because I can’t get a job, my parents don’t have the money, I only have $3,000 to my name, and I’m being turned down for scholarships right and left. Everything was looking so rosey before. Everyone was telling me I was a shoe-in for scholarships, I was being told colleges would fight for me. Everyone at MIT kept telling me how smart I was, how I’d be a Golden Student for any school. Why did I even trust them at all? My test scores aren’t stellar, schools aren’t fighting for me, and scholarships don’t think I can write well enough, or that I’m well-rounded enough, or that I’m intelligent enough. People tell me they are in awe of me, they tell me they expect great things from me, but I’m a rocket ship without fuel. I have everywhere in the galaxy to blast off to, so many stars I want to visit, and yet nothing to get me off the ground.

So many times I’ve come so close to finding fuel. The concrete and deserving lawsuit, the sure-fire scholarship, the mentor who supposedly cared. But nothing has worked out. Not one. And now that Courtauld has raised their tuition it’s like Whoever’s in charge of the universe is laughing at me. I want so badly to do something. I keep having this feeling inside that those people are right, that I’m supposed to be doing something fantastic, something important with my life right now. Or even in the next three years, that’s when I need to accomplish it. But I’m still sitting on the launch pad, waiting for fuel that will never arrive.

Money truly is an annoying thing. Last night I saw a report about Lance Bass and his stupid attempt to fly to space. He raised nearly $20 million dollars, and for what? To send a stupid pop singer into orbit. We should leave him there. Why can’t those corporations and donors do something worthwhile with their money? Think what $20 million dollars could do for refugees, for starving nations, for disaster relief… for college funds. The educational fuel bought with that much money would be enough to fund hundreds of kids’ lives. And instead we’re trying to send a pop singer into space.

I think I’m losing my hope of ever getting to school. If I get in, how will I ever pay for it? Plans keep falling through, Sure-Things never work. I’m still left at home, stuck in my room, feeling useless. I want to do something so badly, something for somebody, something important. Will school even bring me any closer to that? Will anything bring me closer to that? Or will I be stuck in another hospital room, unable to do anything but try and cope with the pain?

Or maybe this flu is just screwing with my head. Either way, I’ll still need money, and I still don’t think I’ll get enough by next year. I still feel useless. And that foreboding feeling won’t go away, no matter which school I think about. Nothing seems right.

I think ultimately that my problem is I’m really not that smart anymore. I had my heyday, I did something mildly important, and everyone’s impressed with what I’ve done. I haven’t done anything since then. What was the turning point? I think it was the brain infection. I don’t think I’ve ever been the same since. Writing is harder, speaking is still at times incredibly difficult, and I’ve noticed I’m almost dyslexic with numbers. I was okay at math before, I could at least handle basics. Now nothing makes sense. I think all of my political theories that have been aggravating me so much are nothing more than thin air, and I think no one’s said anything about them because everyone but me realizes how stupid they are. I can’t think. I forget things so quickly. And the worst part is I know I used to be so capable. I hardly ever forgot anything. I still remember details about conversations I had five years ago, and yet I can’t remember what all I did last week. It’s torture knowing and remembering what I used to be able to do, and now I can’t. My brain used to be my only outlet. I’d be in physical pain, but I could deal with it because I could still feel like I was accomplishing something. Now I’m still in pain, but nothing gets done. Nothing seems to be up to par with what I used to do.

I was recording my old TV appearances onto a duplicate tape for a friend a few weeks ago, and I laughed as I listened to Mitch Albom say to me, “And you’re only sixteen? I’m almost afraid to ask, but what did you do at 15? And I’m amazed to even think about what you’ll do at 17!” Now that statement is sad to me because I’m so close to my 18th birthday and I haven’t done anything. Nothing’s progressed, nothing’s going anywhere. That Person in charge is still laughing at me. He gave me a brain for a short while, and now it’s torture to have it taken away from me before I’m even old enough to really do anything with it. I should go senile when I’m old, not when I’m still a child.

Ugh, didn't get much sleep

Ugh, didn’t get much sleep last night cause the flu was acting up again, and it looks like tonight’s going to be the same way. Sigh, but I’m so tired…

I actually did something constructive today, despite the flu. I was feeling rather bad that I was being so lazy (no reason why I felt that, but when I get that feeling I try to do something about it, good usually comes of it), so I decided to clean my room. When recurring illnesses get worse my room tends to get messy cause I feel too crappy to clean up after myself. Understandable, but I really hate it. So my room was a bit of a mess and I was really tired of it. I fought through the heat and pain and actually managed to clean my room. It’s not perfect, mind, but at least the floor is nice and open again. It needs to be vacuumed, and I still have a huge pile of clean clothes to put away, but it’s a LOT better than it was. Now the only problem will be finding a place for all these clothes… all of my drawers are full, as are both of my closets. Sounds like a lot of storage space, but it really isn’t. My clothes are regularly spilling out of them because there just isn’t enough room. Ah well, things could be worse, I’ll manage.

I also added more products to my Join Me store, but I still haven’t thought of enough great content for my Joinee website. Have I mentioned how much fun the whole Join Me thing is? It’s really lots of great fun and entertainment, and I’ve met lots of wonderful, nice people through it. You should join. Plus, if I get five people to join I become a special shiny Silver Joinee. OoooOoooo. So join, there are lots of great benefits. For example, I got an email from Danny - our fearless leader - that said if I wanted or needed anything, as a Joinee, I could ask him and he’d do his best to fulfill my wants. Cool, eh? I wrote back and said I needed money for Uni in England, and that he never said it had to be a reasonable request, or one that would be easily fulfilled. :) I’m dying to hear what he has to say to that. :)

So go Join Me, and tell Danny that American Joinee Heather sent you, and that she really wants to be a Silver Joinee. Please? For me? Pretty please with great big cherries on top? Hot fudge? Sprinkles? A brand new BMW? Convertible? Come on, you won’t regret it! Join me. Do it. Join me now.

And now I’m off to try and get at least a little sleep. Stupid flu!!

Because I'm really tired and

Because I’m really tired and it’s so late, tonight’s blog will be somewhat short. Today has been a nice, laid-back day and for that reason I have collected a few random thoughts. So, here we go again:

- While giving myself a pedicure, I was softening the skin on my right big toe, kind of massaging my own foot. Once that foot was done, I switched to the left and actually had to look at it for a few seconds before I realized what the difference was. I had completely forgotten my left toe wasn’t there, and was getting ready to soften the skin on that foot as well. Whoops. It’s not really depressing at all, it was just a funny shock.

- The X Games are scary - those guys (and girls) defy gravity! With every sport I watch I think it’s my favorite, but then the next event comes on and I’m left undecided. I love it all, except when they get hurt. I watched a guy doing bike dirt vaulting stuff (sorry, can’t remember the name - I’m new to this) - he tried to do a flip and landed on his head. It was so painful to watch, and he wasn’t moving for a while. I get so into it that I was going, “oh NO! Wake up, Mr. Man! Wake up!” My brother thought I was pretty funny, especially when I started jumping up and down in my seat during the bike course. Alistair Whitton kicks serious butt, he’s definitely getting the gold. Hehe, while he was doing all these amazing flips I kept getting all excited and going, “Eeeeeeeeee! Don’t fall, don’t fall…. YES! He made it!” It was great fun, but the downside is it makes every other sporting event look so stupid. “Psh, what’s up with these football weenies? All they do is run into each other. I’d like to see them try a back flip/no-footer!” :)

- I think there’s a good reason why Alcoholics Anonymous shouldn’t hand out tshirts, cause then if you wore one it wouldn’t really be anonymous anymore.

- Ardal O’Hanlon cracks me up. So does Billy Boyd. Know why? The accents. They’re just so dang funny! I can’t make it through ‘Lord of the Rings’ or ‘Father Ted’ without giggling uncontrollably at their voices. My brother says I should marry an Irishman cause that way my husband and I would never get into arguments. “Aye, ‘tis why I left the toile’ seat up, woman!” Then I’d just start laughing and say, “You’re too cute!” and all would be well in Happy Married Land.

Can you tell it’s late yet? :)

- I so completely forgot the connection between that poem I posted the other day and the whole Timothy McVeigh thing. Robert had to mention it in an email, then all I could think was, “Oh crap!” Sorry about that, no connection intended.

- New favorite Maxism: Jen was giving Steve a ride earlier today and Max was sitting in his carseat in the back. Jen asked Steve, ‘How are you feeling?’ To which Steve replied, “Rather poopie.” Max pipes up, “Uncle Steve need a clean diaper.” :) That kid doesn’t miss much, he cracks me up.

- Drama teachers scare me.

I think those are all of my random thoughts for the evening. To those people who emailed me tonight - sorry, must sleep, I’ll answer you tomorrow morning. And now it’s off to Happy Sleepy Land for me. :) Good night, all!

"Out of the night that

“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the Pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scrolls,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.”

Just a quick blog to

Just a quick blog to say I’m feeling better today. No more bad dreams.

I woke up early (well, relative statement, since this is me I’m talking about and I’m not a morning person) to go buy flowers for another wedding I’m designing. I knew I said I’d never do it again, but this situation is desperate. It’s the groom’s family, the second reception, the bride has no opinion, and the family is having one catastrophe after another. The groom’s Father nearly had a second heart attack, has had to have all sorts of tests, and now they know has a blood clot. The Mom is seriously stressed and has tried to pull this second reception/open house together, but is so worried that she can’t get it done. So she came to my Mother and I about it, so we’re helping out as best we can. The groom’s Mom handed me a pile of money, said, “I trust you, just please do it and I’ll love it.”

I’m great with that, and really glad I can help. This morning I was supposed to go order flowers, so my Mom, Jen, Max, and I went to Sam’s to look at flowers and such. But, I get there, and what happens? You know that flu that I mentioned I thought I was getting a few weeks ago? I decided to reappear today. I had to make several trips to the bathrooom in Sam’s, and then I still had to watch Max while my Mom and Jen went out to run other errands.

Once I got over to Jen and Kevin’s house, I think Max knew I wasn’t feeling well (I think it was pretty obvious - I was rather pale, my face went kind of limp, and I wasn’t moving too fast), so we just curled up on the couch and watched ‘Thunderbirds’. Max has gotten really cuddly lately, and it’s the best medicine ever. He sat on my lap and curled his head up against my chest as we talked along with the opening to the ‘Thunderbirds.’ “Five… Four…. Three… Two… One… Thunderbirds are GO!” It was great, even though I felt like crap.

After Kevin got home (he had the day off because he had to have a root canal), I took Max upstairs to his room, read him a story, and put him down for his nap. Then Mom and Jen got back, so I went back home to crash on my own couch. Thankfully my package from Amazon arrived. :-D Perfect timing! I ordered a Daria DVD - “Is It College Yet?” Steven and I spent the day in the ice-cold basement, watching the Daria movie and two bonus episodes. It was the perfect way to spend a sickly afternoon.

And now it’s nearly 1 am, I’m dead tired, and ready for sleep. Good night.

I'm sorry, I've been trying

I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to avoid this topic, but I’ve got to say a few things. To get them off my chest. So this will be my token September 11th post. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to read it, please skip it if you have any qualms at all. I didn’t want to write anything because I felt that everyone would be, and that everything that I wanted to say would be said elsewhere. I didn’t want it to become even bigger of a ‘thing’. The news will be blaring images of planes going into buildings all day, people will be crying, candles will be lit; I thought, ‘what could I possibly add?’

But this evening I realized, this blog isn’t for anybody else. It’s for me. And I have something to say for me so I can quit repressing it. After I’ve said what I want to say, I’ll try to say something happy, to make up for it.

It doesn’t feel like it’s been a year. But at the same time, it feels like deja vu. I feel as if I’ve been here before, sitting here, a frog in my throat, thinking about what all has happened since then. I’m trying to forget what I saw, not to forget the lives of all those people, but to keep myself from becoming useless. If I cling to the despair, I’ll forget to live. I’ve been regressing it, trying not to think about it, but it all kind of came out yesterday afternoon.

I had been doing so well, I thought. But then my friend Lindsey came online and started asking me questions about the military. I answered them, then asked what it was for. She said she had been visiting a forum where the other users were trying to say that Saddam Hussein didn’t deserve military action, that he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Lindsey, you should know the power you have over me. You were the one who lit the fire in me to start PotterWar.

I started to explain things to her. The Gulf War, my point of view as the child of someone directly involved in the planning of that campaign, how Hussein affects the big picture; why other nations won’t back us, why so many people disagree with military action, what it all means. It brought things out of me that I didn’t even know I knew, feelings I thought I had suppressed in order to get past Wednesday and everything rolled into that anniversary. It made me think.

I was sitting downstairs in the dark silence around 11:30 this evening, waiting for the commercial break to end so I could get back to an episode of “Law & Order.” I was thinking about Wednesday; about what I’ve tried to keep myself from thinking about. That’s when the fear hit me. If our suspicions are true and something does happen, who will be the ones to die? Who will the world lose on Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? What landmarks will cease to exist? What communities will be in tears? Who will we have to go after next?

And will we ever see true solidarity? I was comforted on September 11th of last year by the support flowing in from other nations. It seems so hollow now. We’re back to our old routine of past alliances, past pressures both economic and historic, and no one seems to remember. No one else seems to realize that America isn’t the only target.

We’ve gone back to our daily lives, back to our hatred and bias. I remember sitting on September 12th, watching other nation’s leaders speak about solidarity with the US, a pledge to do their part for the war against terrorism, pledging to remain faithful. I remember thinking, how long will this really last?

Now we’re seeing pacts between Russia and Iraq. What did Putin say on September 11th of 2001? What is he doing now? What impact does Russia still have on Eastern Europe? How will that affect us all as we move into an inevitable cataclysm with the Middle East? Will we see history repeat itself; misplaced alliances based on economic necessity leading to the inclusion of unnecessary countries in war? Will it build up to the dreaded World War III? Will my generation see a nuclear holocaust?

Everything is there, it’s just a new face to the evil. The Reich have moved to the Middle East to begin their “ethnic cleansing”. They began with the Kurds, but what we fail to come to grips with is that the Kurds were a testing ground. For us. I don’t mean Americans, I mean all of us. Britons, French, Germans, Italians, Spaniards; even the Russians with whom they have formed an agreement. We do not think like them, we do not understand them. Ignorance will be our downfall, unless we can get in their minds and truly know why they hate us. Until then, we will oppose it. We will not believe they hate us so much to kill us.

I had to explain to Lindsey why they would not fear a nuclear winter. They are not afraid of death. And that’s what scares me most. In Jihad, they die for God. They are met in heaven by a 1000 virgins in reward for dying in the name of what is holy. We are their enemy, we are the devil incarnate. Why wouldn’t they want to kill us?

That is what truly scares me. And will we see another battle in the great war undertaken this week? Will they get us hyped up, only to delay attack until next week? I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of the political dance caused by misunderstanding. If war happens, happen now, and get it over with.

I’ve been having recurring dreams that I hope will go away now that I’ve let all of this out. The night before last, it was Paris. I spent a wonderful day with friends, walking around the city. I remember locations, I remember faces. And I remember the planes as they flew by in formation and set a playground in flames. Only to be followed by their new ministry building, the Eiffel tower. It was the playground I saw clearly. I only heard the others.

Last night it was London. A plane flew into Big Ben as shots fired out of buildings. I spent the dream lying on dirty concrete underneath a car, feeling the sharp cement scratch my face. It was chaos, and I woke up afraid. I’m tired of that. I don’t want to see it happen.

But then, maybe it must. Maybe we need it in order to solidify again. How quickly and easily we forget the pain. We remember the lives lost, but we forget the face of the enemy. We forget why we have to fight back. A year later we are no more invincible than we were one year ago. We are all still at risk; time hasn’t changed that.

And don’t let others forget that America is not alone. I remember the cries in the streets of Egypt, crowds cheering, “Hurray for the fallen Americans. Let Britain be next.” What about Berlin? They have arrested more terrorist cells than ever imagined. Will they go unnoticed by those that hate them? No. It already is World War III, we just haven’t acknowledged it yet.

That’s it. I don’t think I want to talk about it anymore.

Something happy… I got a new book today. I went out to the bookstore to buy a present for a friend of mine who’s having surgery on her foot on the 20th. I know how bad foot surgery can be, so I wanted to do something for her. She and I both love the Ender series by Orson Scott Card, and I remembered that he was releasing a new book this month. Thankfully ‘Shadow Puppets’ just came out. Don’t be fooled by the name – it’s a great series about military strategy and the effects of war. They’re really good. (Sorry, didn’t mean for this to get into the same vein as the rest of this post.) But, they only had the books in hardback. Good news is, I get a huge discount at Books-A-Million cause I’m home schooled. So, since it’s a new release, there was a special 30% off. Then, with the home schooling discount, I got another 20% off. The book is regularly priced $25.75, but I got it for… da da da daaaaa…. $13.08. How exciting is that? So I bought two copies; one for myself, and one for my friend. I wrote a lovely message inside the cover for her, including a little phrase from the book translated into Greek (the main character in this one is Greek). I think she’ll really like it. I’m also going to make her some sugar cookies, cause I have a cookie cutter in the shape of a foot. It’s just to add a little bit of a joke to the package. :) I always love getting new books, especially hardbacks. There’s something so comforting about a big, hardback new book, just waiting to be read. Maybe I’ll sleep with it by my pillow to ward off bad dreams.

Okay, token post done. If you feel you must reply to it, that’s fine, I guess. No emails about how terrorists are nice people and Saddam is really a fun-loving guy. I don’t have the heart or energy to deal with those right now, sorry. All I have to say to that is go spend a day with Saddam, go spend a day with the Kurds, go look at the devastation of Saddam’s own people, go spend a day in New York City. Then maybe you’ll change your mind. Go walk through the gas chambers of a Nazi concentration camp, smell that stench of death still permeating the walls built over half a century ago, and hopefully you’ll understand.

Um, I tried. I set

Um, I tried. I set off to make cool stuff for my Joinee cafepress store, and instead ended up making stuff for my blog store. Tee hee. :) Take a look, I think I want the “Dip” shirt for Christmas. But can I be patient and wait that long? Hmm… :)

Good stress relief - need

Good stress relief - need I say more? :)

I finally finished my personal site! A year after I designed it and it’s finally done. Well, minus a photography gallery, but that can wait. Besides, the photos aren’t even on this computer anyway. So, feel like checking it out? Click here. I’m rather pleased with it. I figure it’s a great, stylish, high-tech way of housing my portfolio and resume. Someone’s thinking about hiring me, boom, a few seconds and they can see my information without leaving their office. Snazzy, eh?

And now I’m off to work on something a little less important, but just as much fun. Want to see a sneak peak? Click here. It’s to coincide with Danny Wallace’s Join Me campaign. My own little site will house pictures and stories of my Join Me efforts. I’m also creating a really neat-o cafepress store full of fun goodies for American Joinees. Join the campaign! And if five people join and tell Danny that I sent you, I get to be an all sleek and shiny Silver Joinee. Isn’t that fabulous?

The world is in a

The world is in a pretty depressing state right now. Iraq might be getting nukes, stuff’s going crazy, and Saddam’s still out there. I’m not going to post my real opinion on this, but I bet you can guess what it is. And again, I want to link to this, just as a reminder.

On a happier note, I got bored this afternoon, so I’ve been working on my online portfolio. Yay! You can see what I have so far here. I love that site design - I’ve had it for ages, I just haven’t gotten anything done on it until now. I think I might go work on the rest of HeatherLawver.com so I can finally get the main page up, and then everything will be peachy.

Dang it, I need a cookie. And I think I’ve decided I might seriously consider a career leading up to the presidency. I know, I know, that sounds really funny coming from the girl who usually giggles and babbles about fonts, design, or whatever. It’s just cause that’s what makes me happy, that’s not what really makes me think. Military strategy makes me think, politics make me think. And I think I could do it; maybe even not only do it, but do it well. It’s going to take a lot of thought, and thankfully I have a lot of time to think about it.

But then there’s that whole question: do I really want it, or do I just think I could do some good for the world? Could I really handle it? Could I really do anything? I think I could, I know there are lots of things I’d know I’d do if I were president. The problem is getting there, like I said yesterday.

Okay, happy stuff… happy stuff… I went to a new Nordstrom’s last night and guess what!? I got new dress shoes (I seriously needed some.) They’re really comfortable, really stylish, and were even on sale! And, since I spent over $50 I got a few little silver keychain that’s a knee-high gogo boot. It’s so cute! :) And, since I wanted to be girly, I went to the Lancome desk and got a make-over. I decided I didn’t like what the lady did to me, though. I’m more of a deep brown or red lipstick girl, if I ever wear lipstick at all (it’s a very rare occurance), and she put way too much eye shadow on me. That, and I don’t like black mascara, and of course, she put that on me too. I don’t think my eyelashes need the black definition, it makes me look tired or whatever. I prefer natural, thanks.

Sorry, I’m not getting into the happy vibe. It’s too much of a Serious-Thought day. Maybe I’ll go lay down and play a game.

test yourself at fontlover.com! Somebody

test yourself at fontlover.com!

Somebody slap me, I’m stuck in a font-downloading binge again. I’ve been at it for an hour - and, of course, I’m supposed to be doing other things - and I just can’t seem to stop! I’m stuck in the groovy abyss that is GirlsWhoWearGlasses.com. Their free fonts rule! I haven’t seen a single one that I don’t love yet.

Now to completely switch topics to something else entirely random. Or, in other words, and now for something completely different.

I watched this special on the Discovery channel by Tom Brokaw, “Inside the White House”, where they basically followed President Bush around. It kind of made a shiver go up my spine; I’ve had this urge to get into politics. The sad thing is, though, I’d only want to get into politics about 80 years ago, before it just turned into a beauty pagent. If you think about it, we’re judging the competence of our world leaders on how well they talk, how well they dress, how well they carry themselves. How PC they are. It’s sickening. Hardly anyone really pays attention to the actual platforms, because platforms have merged to appease everyone. I’ve had so many conversations with people who make fun of President Bush solely on the fact that he has a Texas accent and mispronounces a few things. That’s like criticizing an apple for being red. In that special I was watching he admitted that he’s always spoken plainly, and sometimes finds it difficult to communicate. To make a few comparisons, during the beginnings of the PotterWar campaign I contracted a brain infection and couldn’t make my mouth form words, but I could still write okay. Did that mean I was stupid? No. At that point I was shaping a campaign that set all sorts of precedents in the field of fan rights and the direction of internet law.

Another leader who was slow of speech: Moses. Liberator of the Jews, squashed Pharaoh, and yet he admits himself that he was a hideous speaker. Did that make him an idiot? No.


Politics has become one gigantic beauty pageant. It’s almost like a screen test, in a way. We’re judging our world leaders on their screen presence, not on the depths of their experiences, personalities, morals, and their souls. We don’t care about their intelligence because we take them at face value. Like Bush and “nucular”. We think he’s an idiot because of his Texas accent.

So back to my urge to get into politics. I don’t want to sound all proud or anything, but I think in all seriousness I’d be a pretty good President. I remember about two years ago, when I first moved to Virginia, I was going to church and I always felt like an idiot there. I couldn’t participate in my little class because I was so sick. I barely spoke, barely did anything. And yet, on my next to last Sunday there, the topic came around to education and what fields women would excel in. Simultaneously, all the other girls turned to me and one of them said, “I can see you as the first woman President.” All I could think was, “What? I haven’t said a word to you people, and now you want to elect me?” Hey, maybe that means I’m already ahead in the polls. :)

Anyway, getting back to the seriousness, my problem is that I’m not that excited about getting into politics because although I think I’d be great in office, I don’t want to deal with the avenue to the Presidency. It seems that the American dream of democracy has been lost, that any ole’ American can be President. I think that dream died with Harry Truman. You have to be ruthless, you have to take dirty money, you have to compromise your standards. There is no way conceivable that I would do that, it would taint the office for me. I wouldn’t feel worthy of it after trudging along that sleaze-coated road to the Oval Office. It would make me less of a Commander in Chief, and more like a unscrupulous CEO who makes it to the top by stepping on everyone below her. It seems every Senator, Congressman, Representative, and even every President, has had some major blemish on their record. Their journey has been marred by dirty funding for campaigns, disrespectful advertising campaigns, ruthlessly gutting their opponent, or whatever vice indicative of this ongoing political, partisan beauty pageant. Blondes have more fun than Brunettes, and Democrats are more personable than Republicans. It’s all a façade; partisan politics are a mask as both of the political parties merge closer to the middle. They’re mirroring each other to the point where I can’t tell the difference. Sure, you have major left-wing Democrats, and major right-wing Republicans, but everyone else has been skewed, confused by old ideas of the parties and what they really represent today.

I really believe that we need more political parties in the United States, but I don’t like the alternatives. The Green Party has too many strange issues that just don’t make sense in the big scheme of things. We need a third that is the middle between Democrats and the Republicans, so those two can go back to what they really started as. Democrats for bigger government through federal control - Republicans for smaller government through community power.

That’s another issue with me running for office; which party would I go with? I’d want to start my own. In fact, I think I already belong to my own. I’m a Repubocrat, the best of both parties. Conservative, and yet accepting of others. Smaller government, relying on the honor and integrity of the local legislative officials, the public, and civil servants. A major revamp of the school systems, from Kindergarten to Grad School.

And lots more, but I think you get the drift. Basically, to recap:


- I want to be the first female President of the United States, but I want to get there my way.


- I want to start my own political party.


- And I want to do it all and I still want to get married, have kids, run my own design firm, write pulitzer-prize-winning novels, produce my own movies, conquer a small European country, own a mansion in France, go to school in England, get multiple university degrees, run my own restaurant, write a few symphonies, become an egyptologist, be a lawyer, save the world, et cetera.

All in all, I should probably just quit posting political rants and keep to the cute, silly stuff. Right? Or maybe, just maybe, I should scale back my expectations a little… :)

Sorry I didn't blog last

Sorry I didn’t blog last night, I ended up staying up rather late watching the original “Ocean’s 11.” I rented it last week and it was due today, so I thought I’d better watch it before I racked up a late fee. I enjoyed it, it was my first complete Rat Pack movie (fitting, since it was their first as well.) I just love Frank Sinatra, he was perfect as Danny Ocean (much better than George Clooney.) It was great to watch, despite still loving the newer version. The stories were delightfully different enough that it was still entertaining. And the ending was a shock. I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not, but now that I’ve had a long think about it, I like it. It’s more moralistic than the new one, that whole bit about how crime doesn’t pay, etc.

You should go rent it. Even if for no other reason than to hear that great number by Sammy Davis, Jr. I loved that and it’s been stuck in my head ever since. He was such a cute little guy, perfect in the movie.

Something extremely strange happened as I was sleeping. I had a lovely dream that I was moving to England for school, and I ended up spending a day with Alastair. Normal stuff, going out to eat, watching tLoG. Nice dream and all, but when I went to check my mail this morning there was an email from him. I haven’t heard from him in a while, and yet there it was. Weird coincidence, eh? (To find out what the email was about, go here. But, um, same rules about the artist I found. It’s, erm, mildly suggestive, but really really funny.)

I spent the afternoon over at Jen’s house (Kevin’s wife), painting a tree in her guestroom. She’s doing a garden theme, so I started a mural for her. The tree turned out okay, except my arm got really sore so I didn’t get to make it as complicate as I wanted it to be. I don’t think staying up that late is good for me. I always end up tired and sore the next day.

And now I’m out of things to blog about, even though I know there was some funny story I wanted to tell you all, but I’ve forgotten it, so oh well. We can all just deal with it. So there. :-P

Ever since I posted that

Ever since I posted that rather unprompted rant last night I’ve had the funniest thought running through my head; wouldn’t it be horribly ironic if throughout that entire blog last night I wrote one typo after another? If it was full of grammatical errors, and then there I go complaining about the state of our educational system’s English department. Haha. I’d rather just stick to the funny idea as a possibility, rather than reread the whole then and then have to confront a reality. I wrote it really late at night, so I’m expecting it to be a hideous example of Great American Writing.

I did more running around today to get ready for the design class that ‘went down’ tonight. I even went to the great lengths of getting my hair cut so the hair stylist lady would straighten my hair. I don’t know why I thought that would be so fun. It hurt like heck again, and then to add insult to injury, it didn’t last that long. It’s still somewhat straight, but because it’s so humid it’s wavy already.

Wavy hair and all, I think the design class went okay. They really enjoyed the video, but I kept thinking as I was talking that they were getting really bored. I don’t know why - they asked questions, participated, got into designing stuff. I think I’m just too overly critical of myself when I’m teaching people vocally. I always feel like I trip over my words when I’m confronted with a room full of faces, knowing I’m actually supposed to teach them something that I know and they don’t. It’s strange to me.

Of course, they got really excited as soon as they saw the design kits. They loved them. Teenage girls are so funny about free handbags. It’s like some sort of drug for them, a true fetish. They got so excited about it, and loved the stuff inside. The immediately pulled stuff out and went, “Oooooooo!” I guess it was an overall success, thanks to the handbags, but I still felt boring. Oh well, they survived. And so did I.

Except now I’m really tired. Not a Oh-I-want-to-sleep tired, more like time-to-shut-down-my-brain tired. I think I might go watch Ocean’s Eleven - rented it last week and still haven’t gotten to watch it. There’s always either something else on TV, or someone else wants to watch some other movie, or I’m stuck working on something. Now, I’m done with my assignment for today, and it’s time to veg.

But one more bit of really happy news before I quit - I got another entry in the IofY cover art contest! Wooo! And guess what?! It came all the way from Australia. :) Don’t I feel all cool and international now.

It's been a loong Labor

It’s been a loong Labor Day. Fittingly, I was laboring all day trying to clean up the basement and help my Mom make the “leatherette” bags to go along with the fabulous design kits I prepared as hand-outs for my design class. They’re very spiffy - beige with a blue stripe along the center of the bag. I’ll take pictures before I hand them all out. :) Now I’m completely prepared for tomorrow. I burned the cool movie I made onto a CD, and guess what? It runs perfectly on the laptop. I watched it again and it didn’t skip at all. Hurray for technology! It’ll wow them all tomorrow night. At least, I hope it will.

You know what scares me? I was sitting in sunday school yesterday at church, and I used the word ‘transitory’. All but two of the other teenagers - most of whom are honor students - just sat there, staring blankly at me. Finally, after a very awkward silence, one of the boys piped up: “Whaaa?” I had to actually play Miss Dictionary and explain to them what ‘transitory’ means. That scares the crap out of me. These kids are the best that the local public high school has to offer, and yet they don’t understand something as simple as ‘transitory.’ The girl sitting next to me whispered, “I think you’ve just amazed everyone again.” Why is that word amazing?

I think that’s not only scary, it’s sad. As you all know, I get tons of emails from kids every day. You would be so shocked by how poor some of their writing skills are. I don’t want to insult any of them, a lot of them are good, but there’s that occasional email without any punctuation, all in capitals, or what have you. It’s hideous.

I remember getting an email from a 14 year old boy in Puerto Rico a few months ago, and in a post script he added an apology, explaining he’s still trying to learn English, and he was sorry if I couldn’t understand it. When I replied, I assured him not only could I understand what he wrote, his English was a lot better than most Americans his age. Why does it seem that English has become an elective in high school? I hear from these kids, either in writing or in person, and they’re incomprehensible. Everything they say is skewed, and it could be so easily fixed.

A few years ago I was on vacation in Florida and I went to high school for a day with my friend Nate. I attended his AP English course, and was really looking forward to learning something. You know what we did instead? We had one minute to continue this sentence - “It was a dark and stormy night and there were shadows playing against the wall. And then I heard a creak, someone coming towards me…” We would write until the teacher said “stop”, then pass our papers to the person behind us. I got the paper from the boy sitting in front of me, then we’d have another minute to continue the story from the point where our neighbor left off. I was truly shocked. I did that when I was still in first grade, and now this is considered AP English?

It seems that a lot of schools have worried too much about being politically correct, teaching children about gun control, revisionist history, and sex education from such an early age that they’ve forgotten to teach the basics. So many teenagers graduate from high school without even being able to read or write. That is nothing short of hideous. But more than that, it’s sad. Children are merely victims to a system that is in dire need; they don’t need more money, they need complete renovation.

Two months before I started PotterWar, I had just gotten back from that trip to Florida, and I was disgusted with the state of the public school system. That AP English regression back to the first grade wasn’t even the worst of it. I remember having serious discussions with my friends Erick and Chris, trying to figure out a way to start a campaign for serious school reform. Nothing like those crack-pot campaigns started by most politicians. There’d be no fund-raising here, just straight out protest by the children who were being victimized by a corrupt system. Maybe then they’d get the message, that the kids themselves feel that they aren’t getting what they deserve from the system.

But then the enormity of the campaign hit me and all I could think was, so many people have already tried this, why would I make any difference? I still somewhat believe that, but who knows. Maybe one day it’ll work out, if I ever decide to take on such a huge campaign. Anyone feel like helping? Due to my recent brush with the realities of just how little some of these kids know, I’m starting to get that fire in my heart again, that desire to quit complaining and do something.

Or maybe I just have heart-burn. :)

But seriously, if you have any thoughts please post them in my guestbook. And don’t think I’m dissing all* public schools, or that I think *all kids are stupid. I don’t mean that at all. Some schools out there are really trying, and really accomplishing something. And I know of several people who have made it out of the system unscathed and intelligent. But the majority of students are suffering, and I think it’s time to do something about the core of the system, rather than just throwing money at it and hoping that will solve all our problems.

I need to quit thinking now or I’ll never get to sleep. I may go watch TV for a while, who knows. Don’t forget to post in the guestbook, please. Good night!

Tra la tra lee! I'm

Tra la tra lee! I’m so happy. I’ve spent the entire day struggling with this stupid lesson for my design class, and I was stumped for ages! I was getting so frustrated with myself, wondering why I couldn’t explain how to decorate a stupid room. It’s all just so complicated and interconnected for me that I didn’t think I could explain it in 45 minutes. I think I just needed to vent at someone who would go, “I understand, but you’ll do it. It’s a matter of style, just say so.” I’m so glad Erick was on, he said all of that and once I vented, it was like the Hoover Dam broke. All these thoughts came flooding into my head and an hour and a half later, I now have a completed lesson. It’s perfect - only four pages long, I covered everything I wanted to cover, it was concise, humorous, spunky; in other words, just what I wanted it to be. Now I just hope the girls enjoy it on Tuesday.

Also, guess what I did this afternoon! While procrastinating writing the actual lesson, I decided to tackle video editing. I thought, since the audio was the problem before, getting it to match up to the action, that I can still do the little video I wanted to do for the class. No one’s talking in it, so I just deleted the audio, cut out the bits I didn’t need from the video, added background music, and voila! I have an uber-professional looking montage of Changing Rooms designs and even a special addition of a garden designed by Diarmund Gavin for Homefront in the Garden. I used Fila Brazillia music, and ‘Edge Hill’ by Groove Armada. It was pure luck - the action on the screen matches the music perfectly!! It’s so awesome. I’m going to hook my laptop up to the TV to play it on Tuesday. I can’t wait!

Tomorrow I have to finish the cute bags for the design kits, and then I’ll be all done and ready for the class. Like I said, they’d better appreciate all this.

But now I have to get some sleep, I’m dead tired. I need to start blogging earlier, but I’ve just been so busy!

Must sleep... must blog before

Must sleep… must blog before sleep…

In a nutshell: Massage was great, I feel so much better. I got a part in the play, not surprisingly, I’m playing a valley girl teenager talking on a cell phone. Dang, I wish I had gotten to perform a drama before doing my hair-flippin’, man-eatin’, slight-lisp of a valley girl. Oh well.

Now, since I have to wake up in six hours, I’m off to sleep. Good night.